Toolkit · Family Law

The Divorce and Family Dissolution Toolkit

28 U.S.C. § 1332

Type
Toolkit
Jurisdiction
National
Date
2026-06-25
Topic
Family Law

This toolkit assembles the working materials for a divorce: the authority map, a document collection list, an asset inventory with a characterization column, a tracing worksheet, a valuation decision table, a QDRO completion checklist, a parenting plan template, model provisions, a post-decree task list, and a modification and enforcement module. It is organized for retrieval rather than reading. Modules cover the three separate decisions inside a divorce and why trading across them is the characteristic error, jurisdiction over each of the three questions, automatic and temporary orders, disclosure, property characterization and the doctrines that swallow the rule, retirement division, support on both sides, parenting plans, process selection, and drafting. A safety module reorders the sequence where domestic violence is present, and a marital agreements module covers premarital, postnuptial, and separation agreements.

The Divorce and Family Dissolution Toolkit

Family Law > Divorce | Published 25 June 2026 - Updated 16 August 2026 | UpLaw - uplaw.us

Module 4 has a column headed "monthly statement?" That column is where the money hides.

Keywords: characterization, tracing, valuation, QDRO, guidelines, parenting plan, post-decree, modification

How this toolkit is organized

Sixteen modules, each usable alone. Companions:

Module 1 — The authority map

Authority What it supplies
Boddie v. Connecticut, 401 U.S. 371 (1971) Filing fees cannot bar an indigent from divorce court
Sosna v. Iowa, 419 U.S. 393 (1975) Durational residency requirements upheld
Ankenbrandt v. Richards, 504 U.S. 689 (1992) · 28 U.S.C. § 1332 The domestic relations exception — this is a state-court field
Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57 (2000) Fit parents presumed to act in the child's best interests
Santosky v. Kramer, 455 U.S. 745 (1982) Clear and convincing evidence to terminate parental rights
Turner v. Rogers, 564 U.S. 431 (2011) Civil contempt requires an express ability-to-pay finding
28 U.S.C. § 1738A · § 1738B Interstate custody and support recognition
42 U.S.C. § 651 · § 654 · § 666 · § 608 Child support guidelines, enforcement, and assignment
29 U.S.C. § 1056 · 26 U.S.C. § 414 Qualified domestic relations orders
26 U.S.C. § 1041 Transfers incident to divorce are non-taxable
26 U.S.C. § 71 Alimony treatment, and the post-2018 change
26 U.S.C. § 6015 Innocent spouse and equitable relief
11 U.S.C. § 523 · § 362 · § 727 Which obligations survive a later bankruptcy
15 U.S.C. § 1673 Garnishment limits, higher for support
Fed. R. Civ. P. 26 · 35 · Fed. R. Evid. 408 Discovery, examinations, settlement communications
9 U.S.C. §§ 1–16 · § 10 Arbitration of financial issues; narrow review
Kokkonen, 511 U.S. 375 (1994) Preserve the court's authority to enforce

Module 2 — The three decisions

Decision Asks Direction Final?
Property What did this partnership build, and how is it fairly split? Backward Yes
Support What does each household need, and what can each afford? Forward No
Parenting What arrangement serves these children? Forward No

The characteristic error is trading across them — giving up retirement to keep a house, conceding parenting time to win a support argument. They answer to different logics and should be negotiated separately.

Module 3 — Document collection list

  • [ ] Tax returns, 3–5 years, all schedules
  • [ ] W-2s, 1099s, K-1s
  • [ ] Pay records, both parties
  • [ ] Bank and brokerage statements, 12–24 months
  • [ ] Retirement statements — and any pension summary plan description
  • [ ] Mortgage statement, equity line, property valuation
  • [ ] Vehicle titles and loan statements
  • [ ] Every credit card and loan statement
  • [ ] Life insurance policies with cash values
  • [ ] Business records, ledgers, and loan applications
  • [ ] Premarital or postnuptial agreement
  • [ ] Any protective order
  • [ ] Calendar or log showing caregiving history

Collect before filing. Access is easiest now and hardest afterward.

Module 4 — Asset inventory (the master worksheet)

Asset Value Date Title Marital / Separate / Mixed Monthly statement? Notes

The "monthly statement?" column is the point. Assets that do not arrive on a statement are the ones that get forgotten: defined benefit pensions, restricted stock and options, business interests, cryptocurrency, deferred compensation, patents and royalties, timeshare interests, and season tickets.

Debt inventory, same structure: creditor · balance · whose name · marital or separate · joint account? → refinance or indemnify.

Module 5 — Characterization and tracing

Separate, generally: premarital · inherited · individual gifts · post-separation acquisitions (many states) · designated by valid agreement.

Marital, generally: everything else acquired during the marriage regardless of title.

The two doctrines that swallow the rule:

  • Commingling — separate property mixed with marital may lose its character; the claimant bears the tracing burden.
  • Transmutation — retitling, adding a spouse to a deed, or using separate funds for a joint purpose with donative intent.

Passive versus active appreciation. Growth from marital effort is generally marital; purely market-driven growth is separate in many states. This single rule can move a retirement division by six figures.

Tracing worksheet

  1. Source of the separate funds: ___ Date received: ___ Amount: $___
  2. Documentary proof of receipt (will, deed, gift letter, closing statement): ___
  3. Account it entered: ___ Date: ___
  4. Was that account solely the claimant's? ___
  5. Every deposit and withdrawal since: attach statements
  6. Was the account used for household expenses? ___
  7. Current balance, and lowest intermediate balance since deposit: $___
  8. Documents still available? ___ Missing documents = lost claim

Module 6 — Valuation decision table

Asset Method Expert worth it?
Accounts, defined contribution plans Statements at an agreed date No
Defined benefit pension Coverture formula or present value Often
Real property CMA, or appraisal if contested Sometimes
Vehicles Published guides No
Closely held business / practice Income, market, or asset; goodwill Yes
Options / restricted stock Vesting schedules; time-rule allocation Sometimes
Cryptocurrency Exchange records; tracing Increasingly
Personal property Agreed lists at resale value Almost never

Goodwill: enterprise goodwill is generally marital; states split sharply on personal goodwill.

Valuation date — separation, filing, or trial — varies by state and matters as much as method.

The rule of proportion. A $4,000 appraiser to resolve a $9,000 dispute has not helped.

Module 7 — QDRO completion checklist

  • [ ] Identify every plan: 401(k), 403(b), pension, deferred comp, government, military, IRA (which needs a transfer instruction, not a QDRO)
  • [ ] Obtain the plan's model order and procedures before drafting
  • [ ] Specify: amount or percentage · valuation date · gains and losses to segregation
  • [ ] Address survivor benefits expressly
  • [ ] Address outstanding loans against the account
  • [ ] Allocate the drafting cost
  • [ ] Draft → court enters → plan administrator accepts in writing
  • [ ] Diary all three steps; do not close the file until step three is confirmed
  • [ ] Separate orders for government, military, and non-qualified plans

The unentered QDRO is the most consequential omission in this field.

Module 8 — Support inputs

Child support. Income of each parent (from bank statements and ledgers, not the return alone, for a self-employed payor) · parenting-time percentage · childcare · health insurance premium · extraordinary and special-needs expenses · other children · imputation where voluntarily unemployed or underemployed · deviation grounds and required findings.

Spousal support. Marriage duration · standard of living · each earning capacity · contributions to the other's capacity · age and health · custodial burden · property awarded · misconduct (minority of states) · any duration guideline.

Characterization matters twice: support versus property controls modifiability, and controls treatment under 11 U.S.C. § 523 if the payor later files.

Module 9 — Parenting plan template

  • [ ] Legal decision-making — education, medical, religious; joint or sole; how deadlocks break
  • [ ] Regular schedule, written week by week
  • [ ] Holidays, with a rotation
  • [ ] School breaks and summer
  • [ ] Transportation and exchange location
  • [ ] Communication protocol, parent-to-parent and parent-to-child
  • [ ] Travel, passports, and out-of-state notice
  • [ ] Relocation notice requirement
  • [ ] Right of first refusal for childcare, if wanted
  • [ ] Dispute resolution step before returning to court
  • [ ] Access to records and school events for both parents

The test: could two people who are not speaking operate this plan? Vagueness is not flexibility; it is a future motion.

Module 10 — Model provisions

Interim fees

"Petitioner has no independent access to income or liquid marital assets. Respondent controls marital income of approximately $[amount] monthly. Petitioner requests interim attorney fees and costs from marital funds of $[amount], so both parties may participate on comparable footing."

Debt allocation with teeth

"Respondent shall be solely responsible for [creditor], account ending [____], and shall refinance or remove Petitioner's name within 120 days, providing written proof within 10 days of completion. Respondent shall indemnify Petitioner against any claim on that account, including fees incurred in defending it."

QDRO provision

"The parties shall divide [participant]'s [plan] so that [alternate payee] receives [amount/percentage] as of [date], with gains and losses to segregation. [Party] shall retain a qualified drafter within 30 days; cost borne [allocation]. Survivor benefits: [terms]. This provision is not satisfied until the plan administrator accepts the order in writing."

Deadlock breaker

"The parties share joint legal decision-making. If they cannot agree after conferring in writing within [N] days, they shall [consult the treating provider / attend one parenting coordinator session] before either seeks court relief."

Life insurance securing support

"So long as support is payable, [payor] shall maintain life insurance of not less than $[amount] naming [payee] as beneficiary [or as trustee for the children], and shall provide annual written proof of coverage by [date] each year."

Module 11 — Post-decree task list

  • [ ] QDRO drafted, entered, and accepted (Module 7)
  • [ ] Joint debts refinanced or closed
  • [ ] Real property and vehicles retitled
  • [ ] Beneficiaries changed: life insurance, retirement, payable-on-death accounts
  • [ ] Will, powers of attorney, and health care directive updated — see Executing a Durable Power of Attorney and Advance Directive: A Practical Checklist
  • [ ] Income withholding established
  • [ ] Health insurance transition confirmed
  • [ ] Tax filing status and dependency allocation confirmed for the year of divorce
  • [ ] Support review date diaried

Module 12 — Modification and enforcement

Final: property division, absent fraud, concealment, or mistake.

Modifiable: support on a substantial change; parenting on a change plus best interests.

The rule that traps people: modification is effective from the filing date, not the date the circumstance changed. File first, negotiate second.

Enforcement of support: withholding · license suspension · tax intercept · liens · credit reporting · passport denial · contempt — with the Turner v. Rogers ability-to-pay finding required, and 15 U.S.C. § 1673 permitting a higher withholding percentage for support.

Interstate: 28 U.S.C. § 1738A and 28 U.S.C. § 1738B.

Module 13 — Safety module

Where domestic violence is present, reorder everything:

  1. Protective order first — see Obtaining or Responding to a Protective Order: A Practical Checklist.
  2. Address confidentiality / substitute address program before the first filing.
  3. Exclusive possession on safety grounds, independent of title.
  4. Mediation is inappropriate or requires structural modification — separate sessions, no waiting-room contact, counsel present.
  5. Custody presumption against a parent found to have committed violence; supervised exchange and visitation as tools.
  6. Firearms addressed expressly in the order and confirmed at surrender.
  7. Coerced debt and destroyed credit treated as dissipation and addressed through Disputing a Credit Report Error and Defending a Debt Collection Suit: A Practical Checklist.
  8. Housing protections at 24 C.F.R. part 5 — see Defending an Eviction and Enforcing a Tenant's Rights: A Practical Checklist.
  9. Immigration consequences evaluated before any filing.

Screen at intake, every time, in a form that does not require the client to volunteer it.

Module 14 — Marital agreements

Premarital. Grounds to set aside cluster around voluntariness, disclosure, and fairness. Recurring defects: presented days before the wedding; blank or summary asset schedules; one lawyer for both; no provision for later-born children; and terms purporting to fix child support or custody, which cannot be bound by agreement anywhere.

Postnuptial. Recognized in most states, with heightened scrutiny — spouses are not at arm's length.

Separation agreement. Say whether it merges into the decree (enforceable as a judgment) or is incorporated but survives (contract remedies, different modification rules).

Reconciliation can abrogate a separation agreement; address it in the document.

Module 15 — Failure modes, ranked

  1. Trading across the three decisions.
  2. Not tracing separate property while records exist.
  3. Missing assets with no monthly statement.
  4. Ignoring pre-tax versus post-tax character.
  5. Never entering or confirming the QDRO.
  6. Allocating joint debt without refinancing or indemnification.
  7. Incomplete disclosure.
  8. A lopsided temporary parenting schedule.
  9. Never requesting interim fees.
  10. Missing 26 U.S.C. § 6015 relief.
  11. Waiting to file a modification.
  12. Accepting contempt without an ability-to-pay finding.
  13. A parenting plan too vague to operate.
  14. Forgetting beneficiary changes.
  15. Mediating a case with an unscreened safety issue.

Module 16 — Three sentences worth memorizing

"These are three decisions, not one."

"Which assets have no monthly statement?"

"Who is drafting the QDRO, and has the plan accepted it?"

Module 17 — Process selection

Path Suits Fails when Typical cost
Kitchen table Simple estate, full disclosure, even power balance One spouse controlled finances; any abuse Filing fee only
Mediation Both have documents; dispute is about numbers Facts hidden or contested; unscreened safety issue Low
Collaborative Both want to stay out of court and can fund counsel Either side is positioning to litigate Moderate
Arbitration Financial issues; privacy and speed valued Custody, in most states; where review matters Moderate
Litigation Abuse, concealment, an absent party, refusal to engage Nearly always exceeds the delta at issue High

What actually drives cost, in descending order: volume of attorney-to-attorney communication · contested temporary motions · discovery disputes · expert valuation · number of separately litigated issues. None of that correlates with the size of the estate, which is why modest estates are routinely consumed by the process.

Three economies that work. Complete disclosure the first time, which eliminates the discovery motions that generate most of the bill. Resolve uncontested items in writing early so the fight is scoped. Agree on a single joint expert, which halves the cost and removes a duelling-appraisal dynamic that persuades no judge.

One that does not. Self-representation in a case with a business, a pension, or contested custody. The general skills in Representing Yourself in Civil Court: A Comprehensive Guide for Self-Represented Litigants and The Self-Represented Litigant's Toolkit transfer well to simple dissolutions and poorly to complex ones. Unbundled representation — counsel retained to draft the QDRO, review a proposed agreement, or prepare you for one hearing — is the middle option almost nobody is offered.

Module 18 — Two worked scenarios

18.1 The nineteen-year marriage

Facts. $310,000 home equity · his 401(k) at $412,000 including a $61,000 premarital contribution · her public pension from eleven marital years · a $70,000 inheritance deposited into a joint account in 2019 · 1,400 unvested restricted shares · $46,000 across four cards, three joint · incomes of $164,000 and $58,000 · children fourteen and nine · six years she spent out of the workforce.

What Module 4 surfaces. The pension and the restricted stock have no monthly statement and were on nobody's list. Together they are worth more than the home equity.

What Module 5 decides. The premarital contribution is separate if the 2006 statement exists — it does, in a garage, worth roughly $40,000. The inheritance is separate on arrival and marital by presumption once it funded household expenses; whether four years of deposit records survive decides $70,000.

The trade to refuse. She wants the house for the children's stability and cannot refinance $310,000 of equity on $58,000. Trading retirement to keep it leaves her illiquid at fifty-two. This is the classic bad trade across Module 2's categories, and the most common financial mistake in American divorce.

Debt. Assigned to him and required to be refinanced within 120 days with indemnification — Module 10, because the issuers are not bound by the decree.

Outcome. Eleven months, roughly $34,000 combined, most of it spent in the first four arguing about the house and an affair no court was going to weigh.

18.2 The self-employed payor

Facts. Obligor owns a contracting business, reports $41,000, drives a business-leased truck, and takes irregular distributions.

Why Module 8 is the whole case. Guideline support is arithmetic once income is fixed. The analysis: personal expenses run through the business · depreciation added back · retained earnings · the gap between tax income and cash available.

The documents. Business bank statements rather than returns alone · the general ledger · loan applications, which routinely state a very different income than the return · and a forensic accountant proportionate to the amount at stake.

Imputation. Where income drops conveniently near filing, courts impute capacity from work history, qualifications, and available opportunities.

Module 19 — Practice notes by role

For the party. Negotiate the three decisions separately. Produce complete disclosure the first time. Find the documents before making the argument. Request interim fees early if you lack access to income. And answer the hardest question honestly at the start: what would I accept today if it were offered? A party who cannot answer will not recognize a good settlement when it arrives.

For counsel. Screen at intake for jurisdiction over each of the three questions · residency · automatic orders · safety · assets with no statement · business interests · joint tax exposure under 26 U.S.C. § 6015 · and whether any obligation should be characterized as support for 11 U.S.C. § 523 purposes. Diary the QDRO to entry and plan acceptance; unentered QDROs are a recognizable malpractice category.

For the financially dependent spouse. The two highest-value early acts are the interim fee request and a complete document collection while access still exists.

For the higher-earning spouse. Concealment converts a case about numbers into a case about credibility, which is lost on every issue simultaneously.

For mediators. These cases settle when the documents are complete and stall when they are not. The most useful early intervention is frequently a disclosure schedule rather than a negotiation session — and screening for coercion is not optional, because the neutrality that makes mediation work is exactly what makes it unsafe where one party can coerce the other.

For everyone. The arrangement for the children will be renegotiated informally for a decade regardless of the order, because schedules change and children grow. The parent who preserves a working relationship with the other has acquired something no decree can grant.

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