The Adoption Process Toolkit

Family Law > Adoption | Published 25 February 2024 - Updated 9 February 2025 | UpLaw - uplaw.us

⚠ Adaptation required. Adoption is entirely statutory and every state's forms, deadlines, and execution requirements differ. Use these as drafting aids and then conform them to the state's own forms, which courts publish free.

Companion documents: Completing an Adoption and Handling Consent and Notice: A Practical Checklist · Adoption: A Comprehensive Guide to Consent, Termination of Parental Rights, Home Studies, and Finalization · Making a Family Legal: What an Adoption Actually Requires

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Tool 1 — Intake questionnaire

Birth mother

1. Full legal name, all prior names, date of birth, current address, and every state of residence in the last two years
2. Marital status now and at conception — ⚠ a husband is a presumed father whose consent or termination is required
3. If married or recently separated, spouse's full name and address
4. Every man who could be the biological father, with everything known about each: name, nickname, physical description, employer, vehicle, social media, mutual acquaintances, last known city
5. Approximate date of conception and where you were living then
6. Was any man told about the pregnancy? When, and what did he say or do?
7. Did any man provide money, transportation, medical support, or gifts?
8. ⭐ Tribal heritage: are you, either of your parents, or any of your grandparents or great-grandparents a member of, or eligible for membership in, a federally recognized tribe? Which one? Any enrollment number in the family?
9. Prior children — living where, in whose custody, any open dependency case
10. Public assistance received, and in which state
11. Any prior contact with child protective services, in any state
12. Do you have your own attorney?

Birth father — items 1, 4 through 8, 9 through 12, plus military service status and any incarceration history.

Adoptive parents

1. Full names, dates of birth, every state of residence in the last five years
2. Marital history and current status
3. ⭐ Every arrest, charge, or conviction, ever, anywhere — ⚠ including expunged and dismissed matters and juvenile adjudications
4. Any prior child protective services contact, in any state, including as a reporter or a subject
5. Any prior adoption application, approved or denied, and by whom
6. Substance abuse or mental health treatment history
7. Everyone living in the household, with dates of birth
8. Firearms in the home and how stored
9. Income, employment, and health insurance
10. Openness to contact with birth family, and to what degree

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Tool 2 — Tribal heritage affidavit

I, ______, being duly sworn, state:

1. I am the [birth mother / birth father] of the child born [date] in [city, state].
2. I have been asked whether I, my parents, my grandparents, or my great-grandparents are members of, or eligible for membership in, any federally recognized Indian tribe, band, nation, or Alaska Native village.
3. My answer is: ☐ No known heritage. ☐ Yes: [tribe(s) and any details known, including names of relatives and any enrollment numbers].
4. I understand that the Indian Child Welfare Act, 25 U.S.C. § 1901 and following, may apply to this proceeding if the child is an Indian child as defined at 25 U.S.C. § 1903, and that the determination of membership or eligibility is made by the tribe.
5. I understand that an inaccurate answer may result in this adoption being invalidated under 25 U.S.C. § 1914, potentially years after it is finalized.

⭐ Take this at the first meeting, not the third. It costs five minutes and it is the cheapest insurance in the file.

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Tool 3 — Putative father registry search log

State searched	Basis for searching (conception / birth / residence)	Date requested	Date certificate received	Result	Certificate filed?

☐ ⚠ Confirm the statutorily required search date for each state — a search run too early is not a search. ☐ Search where conception may have occurred, not only where the child was born. ☐ File every certificate, including negative results. ☐ ⭐ Search again immediately before finalization if more than a few months have passed.

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Tool 4 — Diligent search affidavit

I, ______, counsel for the petitioners, state under penalty of perjury:

1. The birth mother identified the possible father only as "______," described as ______.
2. To locate him I took the following steps, on the dates shown:

Date	Step taken	Source or contact	Result
	Interviewed birth mother in detail
	Interviewed [relative / friend], with consent
	Searched putative father registry, [state]
	Searched putative father registry, [state]
	Searched voter registration records
	Searched county property and tax records
	Searched statewide court records
	Searched state corrections and county jail databases
	Queried the Department of Defense manpower database
	Searched social media platforms
	Contacted last known employer
	Sent certified letter to last known address
	Searched commercial locator database

3. Each of these efforts was unsuccessful for the reasons stated.
4. I request authorization for service by [publication / posting] under [rule].

⭐ A court reviewing a collateral attack four years from now will read this table, not the outcome. Fill it in as you go, with real dates.

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Tool 5 — Consent advisement script and revocation paragraph

Advisement (read aloud, on the record where permitted):

Before you sign, I want to be sure you understand five things.

First, this document permanently ends your legal relationship with this child. You will no longer be the child's legal parent. You will have no right to custody, no right to visitation unless a separate written agreement provides for it, and no right to make decisions for this child.

Second, in this state you have ______ days to change your mind, beginning [when]. That period ends on [date] at [time]. After that, you generally cannot withdraw this consent for any reason except fraud or duress, which are very narrow.

Third, no one can require you to sign this. If you want more time, you may have it. If you want to parent this child, you may. Nothing that has been spent on your behalf has to be repaid.

Fourth, you have the right to your own lawyer, separate from everyone else in this room, and [you have one / one will be provided at no cost to you].

Fifth, do you have any questions, and is anyone pressuring you in any way?

Revocation paragraph (separately initialed):

I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE ______ DAYS FROM THE TIME I SIGN THIS DOCUMENT TO CHANGE MY MIND. THAT PERIOD ENDS ON ______ AT ______. AFTER THAT DATE AND TIME, THIS CONSENT IS FINAL AND CANNOT BE WITHDRAWN EXCEPT ON PROOF OF FRAUD OR DURESS.

Birth parent's initials: ______

⚠ Execute at or after the statutory hour, before the officer the statute requires, with the witnesses the statute requires. ⭐ Note the exact time of execution on the face of the document.

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Tool 6 — ICWA notice letter to a tribe

VIA REGISTERED MAIL, RETURN RECEIPT REQUESTED

[Tribal ICWA Designated Agent]

Re: Notice of child custody proceeding under 25 U.S.C. § 1912

Dear ICWA Agent:

This is notice of a voluntary adoption proceeding pending in [court], case number ______, concerning a child who may be an Indian child as defined at 25 U.S.C. § 1903.

Child: name, date and place of birth. Birth mother: name, all prior names, date and place of birth, current and former addresses, tribal affiliation claimed. Birth father: the same, to the extent known. Grandparents and great-grandparents: names, dates and places of birth and death, and any enrollment numbers known, to the extent available. Basis of the possible affiliation: [what the birth parent reported].

The tribe has the right to intervene under 25 U.S.C. § 1911, to seek transfer of the proceeding to tribal court, and to receive at least ten days from receipt of this notice before any proceeding is held.

We request a written determination of whether this child is a member of or eligible for membership in your tribe. Copies of the petition and available genealogical information are enclosed.

☐ Send to every plausibly relevant tribe, not just the most likely one. ☐ Send to the Secretary of the Interior where the tribe cannot be identified. ☐ ⚠ Hold no hearing until ten days after receipt. ☐ File the return receipts and every response. ☐ ⭐ A tribe's letter saying the child is not eligible costs a stamp and a month. A vacated decree costs everything — see Mississippi Band of Choctaw Indians v. Holyfield, 490 U.S. 30.

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Tool 7 — Petition to terminate parental rights (outline)

1. Petitioner is ______ and brings this petition under [state statute].
2. The child, ______, was born [date] and has resided with ______ since [date].
3. Respondent ______ is the child's [legal / presumed / adjudicated] [mother / father] by reason of [basis].
4. Grounds. Since [date], respondent has [failed to visit or communicate with the child / failed to provide support despite the ability to do so / abandoned the child], in that: [specific facts with dates].
5. Respondent's failure was not caused by any act of petitioner, and petitioner did not obstruct contact. [Address the anticipated defense directly.]
6. Best interests. Termination serves the child's best interests in that: [placement, stability, attachment, the availability of a permanent home, the child's own wishes if of age].
7. ICWA. The child ☐ is not ☐ may be an Indian child; [notice given / determination attached].
8. Respondent's whereabouts ☐ are known ☐ are unknown after the diligent search described in the attached affidavit.
9. Petitioner requests termination of respondent's parental rights and, upon entry, [adoption relief].

Evidence index for the hearing:

Element	Exhibit	Source
Support ordered	Order and modifications	Court file
Support paid	Payment history	State disbursement unit
Ability to pay	Employment records, tax returns	Discovery
Contact attempted	Call log, texts, cards, visitation records	Client and supervised visitation center
⚠ Token contact	Dates and nature of each contact	Same
No obstruction	Petitioner's testimony, third-party witnesses	—
Best interests	Home study, school and medical records, therapist	—

⚠ Prove both the ground and best interests. Santosky v. Kramer, 455 U.S. 745, sets the clear and convincing standard for the ground. ⭐ Confirm appointed counsel for the respondent — most states provide it by statute notwithstanding Lassiter v. Department of Social Services, 452 U.S. 18 — and remember that M. L. B. v. S. L. J., 519 U.S. 102, guarantees appellate review regardless of ability to pay.

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Tool 8 — Interstate compact packet

☐ Compact request form, fully completed ☐ Child's social and medical history, complete ☐ Birth parent information ☐ Home study, current and signed ☐ Consents, or a written legal risk statement where consents are not yet final ☐ Financial plan — who pays for what, and for how long ☐ Medical coverage plan for the child ☐ Sending state's authorization ☐ Court order authorizing placement, where required ☐ ⚠ Approval letter from the receiving state — DO NOT TRAVEL WITHOUT IT

Client advisory to send before the birth:

If the child is born in another state, you cannot bring the child home immediately. Federal and state compact law requires the receiving state to approve the placement in writing first. In practice this takes about one to three weeks. Plan for a hotel stay, a rental car, a car seat, and a pediatrician in the birth state. Do not book return flights until you have the approval letter.

⭐ Sending this paragraph in advance prevents the most common and most demoralizing surprise in interstate adoption.

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Tool 9 — Home study preparation list

Documents

☐ Birth certificates, all adults · marriage certificate · divorce decrees ☐ Three years of tax returns; two months of pay records ☐ Employment verification letters ☐ Physician's statement for each adult ☐ Health and life insurance verification ☐ Three to five reference letters, at least one non-relative ☐ Autobiographical statements ☐ Pet vaccination records ☐ Well water test where applicable ☐ Proof of homeowner's or renter's insurance

Clearances

☐ Fingerprints for every adult in the household ☐ State criminal history, every state of residence ☐ Child abuse and neglect registry, every state of residence in the last five years — required by 42 U.S.C. § 671 ☐ Sex offender registry ☐ Driving records

Home

☐ Working smoke and carbon monoxide detectors on every level ☐ Fire extinguisher, accessible ☐ Written fire evacuation plan ☐ Firearms locked; ammunition stored separately and locked ☐ Medications and chemicals secured ☐ Adequate sleeping space per the state's standard ☐ Water safety — pool fencing, gates ☐ Working telephone and posted emergency numbers

Interview preparation

☐ Be ready to describe your own childhood and how you were parented ☐ Be ready to describe how you handle conflict as a couple ☐ Be ready to describe discipline philosophy — ⚠ a stated intention to use corporal punishment ends many approvals ☐ Be ready to describe how you will talk to the child about adoption, and when ☐ Be ready to describe your openness to birth family contact ☐ ⭐ Disclose everything unprompted. Explained history is survivable; discovered history is not. ☐ ⚠ Expect separate individual interviews. Both partners must genuinely want this.

⚠ 42 U.S.C. § 1996b prohibits denying or delaying placement on the basis of race, color, or national origin in federally assisted programs.

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Tool 10 — Post-placement report outline

Supervisors generally address, per visit:

☐ Child's adjustment — sleep, appetite, mood, developmental milestones, attachment behaviors ☐ Parent-child interaction observed during the visit ☐ Medical care — well-child visits completed, immunizations, specialists, any hospitalization ☐ Education or childcare arrangements, and any concerns ☐ Household changes — moves, job changes, new members, relationship changes ☐ Support systems the family is using ☐ Contact with birth family, if any, and how it is going ☐ Concerns and recommendations

⭐ Tell the family to report changes proactively. A move discovered by the supervisor is a problem; a move reported by the family is a paragraph.

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Tool 11 — Finalization record index

Item	Present?	Notes
Petition for adoption	☐
Consent — birth mother	☐	Time of execution noted; revocation expired
Consent — birth father / legal father	☐
Consent — child, if of age	☐
Consent — agency or guardian	☐
Relinquishment(s)	☐
Termination order(s), final and beyond appeal	☐
Registry search certificate — each state	☐
Proof of service on each person entitled to notice	☐
Order(s) on default	☐
Diligent search affidavit and alternative service order	☐
ICWA affidavits, notices, receipts, tribal determinations	☐
Home study	☐
Post-placement reports and recommendation	☐
Compact approval letter	☐	If interstate
Child's medical and social history	☐
Expense accounting	☐
Signed adoption assistance agreement	☐	⚠ Before the decree
Open adoption contact agreement, for approval	☐	Where enforceable
Proposed decree with name change	☐

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Tool 12 — Expense accounting schedule

⚠ States permit reimbursement of enumerated categories and criminalize payments beyond them. Every state requires disclosure.

Category	Amount	Paid to	Date	Statutory authorization
Birth mother's medical and hospital
Counseling for birth parent
Birth parent's independent legal fees
Permitted living expenses (rent, utilities, food, maternity clothing, transportation)				⚠ Note the statutory period limit
Agency fees
Home study
Petitioners' legal fees
Court costs and filing fees
Travel — petitioners
Compact-related lodging
Guardian ad litem
Publication costs
Registry search fees
Total

☐ ⭐ Route every dollar through counsel's trust account or the agency. Never hand cash to anyone, for any reason. ☐ Keep receipts for everything, including small items. ☐ ⚠ Payments contingent on the consent being given, or that continue only if the birth parent does not change her mind, are the shape of a criminal charge.

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Tool 13 — Subsidy agreement checkpoints

☐ Ask before finalization whether the child meets the state's special-needs criteria — age, sibling group, identified medical, developmental, or emotional condition, or a factor affecting placement. ☐ Request the full case file and every evaluation before negotiating. ☐ Negotiate the monthly amount, which is negotiable in most states and frequently offered below the ceiling. ☐ Confirm Medicaid eligibility and whether it travels across state lines. ☐ Confirm reimbursement of non-recurring adoption expenses under 42 U.S.C. § 673. ☐ Confirm the deferred agreement option where the child has a condition that may manifest later — some states permit a zero-dollar agreement that can be activated. ☐ ⚠ ⭐ SIGN BEFORE THE DECREE IS ENTERED. ⚠ This is the single most expensive avoidable error in adoption practice.

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Tool 14 — Open adoption contact agreement

Contact between [birth parent] and [child], through [adoptive parents]

1. Written updates. Adoptive parents will provide a written update and at least ______ photographs ______ times per year, on or about [dates], sent by [method] to [address or intermediary].
2. In-person contact. ______ visits per year, of approximately ______ hours, at [location or mutually agreed neutral location], scheduled by [who] at least ______ days in advance.
3. Other contact. [Telephone / video / letters], on the following terms: ______.
4. Initiation and intermediary. Contact will be arranged through ______. Direct contact information ☐ will ☐ will not be exchanged.
5. Address changes. Each party will notify the other in writing within ______ days of any change of address, email, or telephone.
6. As the child grows. Beginning at age ______, the child's own wishes regarding contact will be given [weight / controlling effect]. ⭐ Say this now; it is the question that ends these agreements.
7. Public sharing. Neither party will post images of the child publicly without the other's written consent.
8. Modification. By written agreement, or on motion where the state permits.
9. Dispute resolution. The parties will mediate before any enforcement filing.
10. Effect. ⚠ This agreement does not affect the validity or finality of the adoption. A breach of this agreement is not grounds to invalidate the adoption, to withdraw any consent, or to return the child.
11. Court approval. The parties request approval at finalization, where state law provides for it.

⭐ Specificity is the whole technique. ⚠ In many states these agreements are unenforceable against the adoptive parents' right to direct the child's upbringing — see Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57. Both sides should know which kind of state they are in before anyone signs.

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Tool 15 — Certified copy tracker and post-decree update list

Order five certified copies of the decree at finalization. ⭐ Institutions will ask for them for the next twenty years, and ordering later means another trip to the clerk.

Recipient	Purpose	Sent	Confirmed
Vital records	Amended birth certificate	☐	☐
Social Security Administration	Name change and number	☐	☐
Health insurer	Enrollment	☐	☐
Employer benefits	Dependent enrollment, adoption benefit	☐	☐
Pediatrician and specialists	Records and consent authority	☐	☐
School district	Enrollment and records	☐	☐
Passport agency	If travel is planned	☐	☐
Estate planning file	Wills, trusts, beneficiary forms	☐	☐
Family file (permanent)	Retained by the family	☐	☐

Post-decree updates

☐ Wills and trusts — an adopted child inherits fully; confirm the instruments say what the family intends. See Building and Maintaining an Estate Plan: A Practical Checklist and The Estate Planning and Trust Funding Toolkit. ☐ Beneficiary designations — ⭐ these override the will. See The Beneficiary Form Beats the Will: How Life Insurance Money Actually Moves. ☐ Guardianship nominations in the will and in any standalone document. ☐ Life insurance — add or increase coverage now that a dependent exists. ☐ ⚠ Terminate any prior child support obligation prospectively — arrears generally survive. See The Child Support Calculation and Enforcement Toolkit. ☐ File the 26 U.S.C. § 23 adoption credit for the correct year, and check employer adoption assistance. ☐ Retain the complete legal file permanently.

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Tool 16 — Authority reference

Authority	Use it for
25 U.S.C. § 1901	Congressional findings; why ICWA exists
25 U.S.C. § 1903	Who is an "Indian child" — membership or eligibility
25 U.S.C. § 1911	Tribal jurisdiction, intervention, transfer
25 U.S.C. § 1912	Notice by registered mail; active efforts; burdens
25 U.S.C. § 1913	Voluntary consent formalities and withdrawal
25 U.S.C. § 1914	Petition to invalidate
25 U.S.C. § 1915	Placement preferences
42 U.S.C. § 622	Child welfare services state plan
42 U.S.C. § 671	State plan; background and registry check requirements
42 U.S.C. § 673	Adoption assistance — ⚠ sign before the decree
42 U.S.C. § 675	Permanency timelines; the fifteen-of-twenty-two rule
42 U.S.C. § 1996b	No race-based denial or delay of placement
26 U.S.C. § 23	Federal adoption tax credit
Stanley v. Illinois, 405 U.S. 645	Unwed father who parented is entitled to a hearing
Quilloin v. Walcott, 434 U.S. 246	Stepparent adoption over a never-custodial father
Caban v. Mohammed, 441 U.S. 380	Sex-based veto struck where the father parented
Lehr v. Robertson, 463 U.S. 248	The opportunity interest; registries
Santosky v. Kramer, 455 U.S. 745	Clear and convincing evidence to terminate
Lassiter v. Dep't of Social Services, 452 U.S. 18	Counsel case by case; states are more generous
M. L. B. v. S. L. J., 519 U.S. 102	Appellate access regardless of ability to pay
Holyfield, 490 U.S. 30	Domicile; a three-year-old decree vacated
Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl, 570 U.S. 637	Limits on ICWA's heightened standards
Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57	Parental right to direct upbringing; contact agreements
V. L. v. E. L., 577 U.S. 404	Full faith and credit for an adoption decree
Pavan v. Smith, 582 U.S. 563	Birth certificate parentage for married couples

⚠ Everything above is federal. The consent formalities, the revocation period, the termination grounds, the home study standard, the finalization procedure, and record access are all state law.

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Tool 17 — Where adoption touches other matters

If this is also happening	Read
Parentage is contested	Establishing and Disputing Parentage: A Comprehensive Guide to Presumptions, Acknowledgments, and Genetic Testing · Establishing or Contesting Parentage: A Practical Checklist · The Parentage and Paternity Toolkit
A dependency case is open	Child Welfare and Dependency Proceedings: A Comprehensive Guide from Removal to Permanency · The Child Welfare and Dependency Toolkit
A CPS investigation is underway	Responding to a Child Protective Services Investigation: A Practical Checklist · When the State Comes to the Door: Child Protective Investigations and the Family's Rights
A support order exists	Child Support: A Comprehensive Guide to Guidelines, Imputed Income, Modification, and Enforcement · Establishing, Modifying, and Enforcing Child Support: A Practical Checklist
A divorce is pending	Divorce and Dissolution: A Comprehensive Guide to Grounds, Property, Support, and Parenting
A servicemember is a party	Servicemember Protections: A Comprehensive Guide to the SCRA, USERRA, and Reemployment Rights
Estate planning follows	Trusts and Estate Planning: A Comprehensive Guide to Wills, Revocable Trusts, Beneficiaries, and Funding · The Documents That Do the Work: What an Estate Plan Actually Accomplishes

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Related Documents

• Completing an Adoption and Handling Consent and Notice: A Practical Checklist
• Adoption: A Comprehensive Guide to Consent, Termination of Parental Rights, Home Studies, and Finalization
• Making a Family Legal: What an Adoption Actually Requires
• Who Counts as a Parent: How Parentage Is Established, Presumed, and Undone
• The Number the Guidelines Produce: How Child Support Is Actually Calculated and Changed